This is a mindset that is all too common, but almost never spoken about.
I am a broken person trying to act normal. Its a lot of work. I am tired, but I can’t sleep. I never feel like I can let my guard down. I hide this weakness from everyone. If anyone found out how weak I am inside, they would reject me instantly. I think I am truly alone in the world and that no-one will understand me. I want to be close to people, but I am afraid. I don’t know how.
‘I am not perfect, but I can make this happen’ Maybe they will discover that I’m not everything I claim to be, or I’m not ready. But I will work double or triple time to make sure that never happens. I have to work hard for absolutely everything, including happiness, because if I do not work hard to earn it, it is not justified and I will lose it eventually. Its as if I would not be allowed to be happier than I am.
so profoundly diffferent a place that it is the only thing I want to give anymore. Of all the things I could do with my time, hands and intelligence, this is the most important work to offer peopel who identify with this mindset.
I have helped hundreds if not thousands of people out of this trap BALH BALH BALh
THe underdog personality will fall away.
I am a survivor. Instead of thriving and flourishing, I just survive And I am happy that I can go through life’s crushing defeats and still stand strong. The problems, difficulties and emotional punches that everyone else seems to shrug off hit me so hard. But I have been hit so many times that I am a survivor.
I plan for 101 contingencies on everything. All day my mind works through possible scenarios like: what if they do this, or that, or this other thing, then what will I do? And I plan for all these possibilities that might happen, and they never do. But all this overthinking drives me crazy. I am so over my head running around in circles over nothing.
What is worse is the negative self-talk. I swear, If I saw two people talking to each other on the street talking like I talk to myself, I would beat one of them up. My self-talk can be so nasty some times. The aggression, the put-downs, the ‘never good enough’, it just sucks so much. When will I ever do something right? When is it perfect enough?
The deal I get from life is just one of the tough ones. I see the kinds of happiness that some people have and know that i cannot reach that place. If I find myself in that place, I just expect it to be taken away from me sooner or later. I do not belong there.
When will I be free to be the real me? Instead of having to cover the parts of myself I don;t want others to see, I just want to relax and be comfortable in my own skin. And become the true definition of my body and soul.
I hope I find ‘the way out‘ of this situation. I want to share my pain with someone, but I don’t know who to trust. What will work? I am sick of trying different things and not finding the way out.
This is the situation I found myself in many years ago. It was a mindset that I realized about yourself in high school and it was with me until my late 20’s. I was INCREDIBLY lucky to be shown the right answer. There are lots of people claiming to have the answer, and I tried the therapy roulette and I won. I know not everyone was as lucky as I was in the solution they pick from the many on offer.
And I can’t tell you the relief that I found.
Since I discovered the way out, I have spent the rest of my life helping other people out of this place. It is the only thing I want to do. And it is the most important thing to do.
If this sounds like you, feel free to get in touch with me for a friendly chat and we’ll see what we can do for you.
Click this link to Chat with Alistair
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