I am lucky enough to become a father. I am living with a wonderful woman who keeps reminding me she is not my wife….yet. And she has a bump on her belly that is a tribute to what our love.
I know that pregnancy is a binary condition: you either have it or you don’t. But every day she looks more pregnant that she did the day before. She just looks MORE pregnant. I don’t know how she does it, but more pregnant every day.
Though I am in a place that most men find daunting and I am no less daunted by the whole thing. Most of the time, I am really looking forward to it, but every now and again I totally freak out – not that she has ever seen it! And when I freak out, I reach out to one of my male friends. I reach out and ask them how they deal with it. What do I do? How did you handle it? What do I need to know? What do I need to prepare for?
I am stunningly disappointed by what I am being told. The collective wisdom of men on becoming a father is woefully inadequate.
This is the 3 step plan:
- Do nothing
- Get on with it
Seriously? That is the entire plan for bringing a dependent into your life? This is how we prepare to mold and shape our progeny? This is what we do? FFS that is pathetic. Truly S**tful.
What is going on guys? Where is men’s solidarity? Where is our collective wisdom?
And if it is not in child rearing (thats a bit important right?), where is it? If we aren’t coming together on this, then where is this solidarity?
So I have been following this 3 step plan. My not-wife is fairly happy about it. Strangely enough!
She has been reading about clucky men. Men who are super involved and really want to be involved in every single step and are excited about every aspect. They make good carers through the early years, but very average fathers as the children get older.
The super-involved man is acting from his feminine side, so the literature goes. The Father is acting like a Mother. So when the time comes for him demonstrate and model manhood, he is found wanting…
So I have to compliment the 3 step plan. It seems the intuitive wisdom involved in benign non-participation in the pregnancy is exactly the right thing for a man to do.
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