What is Emotional Flexibility?

Let me use an example to start. Imagine a father; he needs to be a warrior to defend his family from people who would mess with his loved ones. He needs to be hard, and strong and willing to fight. But those qualities have no place within the family. A father who is just a warrior is not a good father at all. He also needs to be kind, and caring and nurturing to his family.

So to be a good father, one needs to be emotionally flexible. We all understand that. To be able to express at both ends of an emotional spectrum is how you win at life. It is what it means to be fully healed on that topic. And that is the point of doing self-development work.

Another good example is being social. It is healthy to want to spend time with other people, though to do so compulsively is not healthy. We want to feel just as comfortable in our own company as we do in others’. To be emotionally flexible in this way is to be fully healed on this topic.

What does the coaching/healing world say about this?

There is silence in this community. They are super focused on positive thinking; positive mindset; positive manifestation. Emotional Flexibility is something that just isn’t talked about in the coaching/healing sphere. There is some strange stuff out there in the self-development world too; some people talk vaguely about enlightenment. I’m not very sure what that means, and I challenge anyone to define that clearly for me either. Though the ideal outcome for the coaching techniques that are out there is emotional flexibility.

Expressing extremes

emotional flexibility 2Anger. It is a tricky one to deal with. An emotionally healed person can choose between expressing anger and calm at any given moment. They have complete control over which emotions they are expressing. They can flip from one to the other quite quickly as the situation requires. Though there is something that makes this difficult for most people. Most of us have sticking points.

And these sticking points are the reason why we lose control. We have memories or experiences that give us knee-jerk reactions to things. When we encounter something that connects to our experience, we relive that experience and the emotion that goes with it. The process is called being triggered.

For example, someone was attacked by a ferocious dog as a child. When they encounter a small, fluffy lapdog, the are taken back to the memory of their childhood and knee-jerk; they go into extreme fear. The fear has nothing to do with the situation at hand; it is a triggered memory.

So a person who gets triggered into anger repeatedly may employ a healer or coach to help them deal with it. Provided their qualifications are sound, they will treat these trigger points one at a time. When they have been significantly healed, then their anger will flare up a lot less often.

Be aware that the person does not lose their ability to become angry. They just have control over when. 

And what happens when we clear up all of our trigger points? Emotional Flexibility!

Beware false prophet – eers


There is a school of thought which involves in positivity above all. So for them to consider expressing anger is anathema (heresy). There is no positive side to exploring anger so it shall not be done.

This is a failure on their part. In not accepting and working with the sticking points that are factually there, they are suppressing. The are burying and ignoring the problem at hand. To work from this premise will never result in full healing.

So I hope this lights your way in this philosophical mine field that is the self-development industry.

Stay wonderful until I see you next 🙂

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